


That Lying Mirror

by Youdirtylittlegirl



Category: Youtuber RPF, markiplier - Fandom
Genre: Body hate, F/M, Self Loathing, body issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-14
Updated: 2016-12-14
Packaged: 2018-09-08 14:46:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8849098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Youdirtylittlegirl/pseuds/Youdirtylittlegirl
Summary: That mirror will show you only lies, baby.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry guys, this is really self indulgent. 
> 
> Edited to add: this is in no way meant to spread hate on anyone. If Mark's happy that's all that matters. I don't hate his girlfriend, nor do I wish anything bad for her, I've just been feeling really down about myself, and I ended up showing up to work an hour early, so this is what happened. Much love to you guys, Celebrations should be updated pretty soon. I've hit a bit of a slump with that one, but a lovely reader reached out to me and helped me out with some ideas, so things should get kicking. I also don't want to write something unless I'm feeling it, because I don't want to give you guys something mediocre in a decent story.

I sighed and ran my towel through my still wet hair and did everything I could to avoid making eye contact with myself in the mirror. Mark was still recording, he had said earlier that he wanted to get videos set for the week of Christmas. I'd sat with him and Chica for quite a while, browsing Instagram and Twitter, but had ended up falling asleep in a beanbag chair after a few hours. I'd gotten up and left the room silently, Chica following me into the bathroom where I took a sinfully long shower. I'd been in a mood lately, a combination of not having family that cared enough to make an effort for the holidays- I hadn't heard from anyone in over a month- and receiving an assload of hate on most forms of social media. 

 

It wasn't something new to me. I had a YouTube channel of my own, a lifestyle and beauty channel, rather than gaming, like Mark’s. I knew that I wasn't anything special, amongst the hundreds of other beauty gurus that had far more experience that I did, but I didn't think that I deserved all of the hateful things that were being sent to me. 

 

_You'll never make him as happy as she did, how could you?_

_Mark is better off without you, home wrecker._

_Have you guys seen her body? Mark will drop her in an instant. Don't worry._

_Just wait until she's had her five minutes of fame, she'll be trampled over in no time._

_She was so much prettier than you, your beauty comes from material items, you're worthless without it._

 

Those were only some of the things being said to me. And those were tame. After I dried my hair, I changed into a comfy pair of panties and a soft, worn bra. Mark had mentioned going out later with Tyler, so I decided to just get ready now rather than later. 

 

But doing that meant I would have to look in the mirror. 

 

I knew that I had put on a little weight. My cheeks were rounder than they used to be, and I had a little pudge under my chin. With my eyes initially closed, I stepped in front of the mirror. When I opened them, my forehead crinkled unhappily. 

 

My hips were too wide. 

 

The stretch marks on them were far too visible, they looked like dozens of angry scratches that would never go away. 

 

My waist wasn't slim enough, and my belly stuck out too much. 

 

My breasts weren't perky, they sagged just enough for them to look unflattering. 

 

I didn't even want to look at my face, flushed too red, too splotchy, not slim enough. She was so skinny and I was the exact opposite. 

 

I shook my head, forcing myself away from the ugly truth that the mirror whispered to me. 

 

When I sat at my vanity, I didn't feel inspiration that I typically did. I dug through my drawers and pulled out a few products before setting my jaw slightly and covering everything on my face that made me unhappy. Foundation covered the ugly red, splotchy disaster that was my skin. I put a bold lipstick over my lips to accentuate the curves that were never quite there. A myriad of eye shadows went on my eyelids to make the plain color of my eyes pop out more, and a mascara on my lashes made them fan out. I worked the magic of makeup to make my cheeks look slimmer, more angular and sighed once I was done.

 

The life that had been in my eyes for the longest time had disappeared. I got dressed in a pair of stretchy leggings and an oversized shirt of Mark’s that seemed to cling to my stomach more than usual. My lip quivered, and I changed it, instead wearing a hoodie that would hide my lumps and rolls. 

 

I went to the kitchen after that and poured two glasses of iced tea for myself and Mark before going back into the recording room. Chica had fallen asleep in Mark’s bed, so I sat on my beanbag chair alone this time, clutching my cup and placing Mark's on the table next to him. He shot me a happy grin, which quickly fell off when he saw my expression. I hadn't met his eyes, and the shameful excuse for a smile that he received was only a twitch of the corner of my lips. His brow furrowed and he quickly ended the session that he had been so dutifully working on. His headset was tossed carelessly to the desk and he hurried over to me, sinking into my chair beside me. 

 

“Baby, what's wrong?” He asked, his voice soft as he tilted my head up so that I would have to look into his eyes. I shook my head and kept my eyes downcast. 

 

“It's nothing. I'm just being a fucking moron like always.” I said quietly. 

 

“Hey! Don't talk like that, honey.” He said, his forehead crinkling unhappily. 

 

“Why not? All I've done recently is bring you down and make everyone else miserable.” 

 

“Where in the world is this coming from, babe? What happened?” Mark asked, his voice sad and broken when I finally made eye contact with him and he saw that tears were festering in my eyes, threatening to spill out at any second. 

 

“All of your viewers hate me. You've lost so many followers, and so have I. I'm ruining the one thing that's your passion. I'm not good-” 

 

“Don't you dare finish that sentence.” He said quietly, his eyes becoming glossy, “Don't you dare think that you're not good enough for me.” 

 

There was a long pause before I spoke again. 

 

“It's just the truth.” 

 

“Stop. God, just stop.” He said, his voice taking on some kind of desperation. “You're so amazing sweetheart, how do you not see that? How do you not see how happy you make me? I was miserable before you. Every day was a struggle. Then you came tumbling into my life, and I thought that I was staring directly into the sun the first time you smiled at me.” His thumbs stroked my cheek bones, and he gazed into my eyes.

 

“What brought this on, babe?” 

 

“Just….people. People are really fucking nasty.” I muttered, calming down a little bit when his hand stroked through my hair. 

 

“I think you should stay off of twitter for a while, baby. People don't know our lives, they don't know what happened. You are not the things they say that you are. And jesus fucking Christ, you're not a home wrecker. She and I ended long before we found each other, and you know that.” 

 

“I know...it's just rough. Everyone liked her so much, and it just feels like people could care less about me.” 

 

He sighed and pulled me into his lap, holding me tight against his chest. 

 

“That's not true. Ethan and Tyler love you, they think you're amazing. You've got such a kind heart, and so many people see it. You should see the comments on my videos, honey. People are happy to see me happy. They know every time you come into the room or bring me a drink, because I get this stupid fucking grin on my face, and it won't go away. People love you just for that. They know that you're a good person, because I wouldn't love you the way that I do if you weren't.” 

 

“I love you Mark.” I mumbled, burying my face into his chest and letting a few tears fall. 

 

“Dry those tears, kitten. You still want to go to IHOP with Tyler? We can cancel if you want, it's not an issue.” I shook my head and looked at him, pressing a short kiss to his lips. 

 

“No, let's get some pancakes you doof.” I murmured, standing and extending a hand out to him. He took it and then pulled me into a bone crushing hug when he stood up. 

 

“I love you, baby.” 

 

“I love you too, Mark.”

**Author's Note:**

> Leave me some comments and let me know what you guys would like to see me write! I'd really like to do some more one offs, and explore some new things!!! Love you all!


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